random stuff that needed to come out

I don’t know how much more I can take of this. It is doing my head in. When do you call it a day and throw in the towel. It is all getting bigger and more confusing. My brain is not coping with the backlog of questions left unanswered. How do you do this? How do normal people like me do this without going insane? I suppose many people have done this before and many will go through it again but I want some insight just to get thought this bit. No one has advice that helps and they keep on asking me to give them advice. Who am I to give advice I can’t even look after myself? Why, oh why must it be this hard? Why won’t it just stop and give me a moment peace. I should do what P.B was going to do and just hide away under a rock. Somewhere nice and cool, hidden from the worlds anger and confusion. It would be very easy to drop off the radar. Turn my phone off, get a new e-mail, stop going on the net to find you and just go to work with no fun on the weekend. Maybe if I did these things you will just pop into my life and sweep me off my feet. But I think that is wishful thinking.

This is not the same as paper. I feel the same as before but with sore eyes. Its all short cut keys and stuff. not satisfied at all

Random thought

Love is unexplainable, fantastic and terrible
But worth it
I love love

I want to be yours forever… Be mine.

You are perfect…
No! Perfect is not enough
You are an angel
And that doesn’t seem that much
No one even stands a chance
It’s going to take a lot to surpass you
No ones going to
All of you better pick up your game
Or no ones going to win
You win
Oh to touch you
To kiss you
To see you for a moment
To be in your presence
Would stop this
Not for long
It wouldn’t be enough
I need you forever
I’ll love you forever
I’ll be yours
Forever
I’m yours
Forever is not long enough

I promise

You took a piece of me
A piece of my heart
It belongs to you
You will have it forever
I have a piece of you
You can’t have it back
It’s mine
No one can have it
Its mine forever
No one deserves it
Keep away
It’s mine
I’ll guard it with my life
I love you
I’m alone now
Your love haunts me
Tears won’t stop
They will flow me a river
To you
I’ll be there as soon as I

Here, there, everywhere, forever.

It had to happen
It was inevitable
I don’t feel right
I’m not here
I’m there with you
I know
A piece of me will be with you forever
I’ll be your
Whenever you want me
I’ll be here
Until I can get to you
I belong in your heart
Keep me there
I feel safe there
You live in mine
So close to me
I feel safe here
With you there
Stay with me everywhere
Forever

random thought

Why does everything work so well?
Like wheels in a clock
Well oiled and new
But the time is wrong
Everything is wrong
I can’t go on like this
Not for much longer

You won’t like me

Your mind so closed
Your face tells me nothing
Your smell on me
You’re on my mind
You won’t go away
I don’t want you to

Your eyes burn my soul
You smile lifts my sprit
Your body covering mine
Your lips on mine
Your breath on my skin
I want you now

Your hands all over me
Your fingers entwined in my hair
Your voice in my ear
You’re the one
You’re the only
I believe now

It hasn’t even started

I don’t want this to stop
I never seem to do this right
I always do this wrong
I’ve done it again
I want you
You probably hate me already

It’s all my fault

not so open minded after all

you all dance around
the questions you don't want to hear answers to
you want to know but at the same time you don't
you don't understand me
not anymore
you don't understand the way i feel
you may never understand
because you don't want to know
you must know for this is me
and if you want to be my friend you will have to know
you think i have changed
but it is your veiw of me that has changed
you wanted me to do this
for your reasons
you no longer want this
now the dye is cast
you no longer want to understand
you wnat me to go back
be "normal"
this is normal you just have to change your perspective

mixed reaction to you

i shouldn't be doing this
im already not functioning
but i can't resist you
i need to sleep
i need to be refreshed for tomorrow
but i seem to need you more
i need to touch you
i want to sleep near you
but i want to sleep
i hate you so much
i love you so much
but what type of love is this
it is more like an addiction

you have a way of dancing around
around what you really want to say
say to me what you want me to hear
hearing you use big words in attemts to confuse me
me the young one with no idea
ideas i understand more than you
you can even make a decition with out my input
imput i don't want to make all the time
time to say you are pissing me off
off i must go
go or stay

i don't know

but sometimes i like you to much to go
but not enough to stay

i'm in 2 worlds over you

Your body isn't what i desire
but your mind is
your face is not what i am attracted to
but your sence of self is
your apperance is not what i'm into
but your sence of humour is
your persona is not what i look for
but you as a person is
your sexuallity is not what i want
but your sex is
you are not a body
you are not a face
you are not your apperence
you are not your persona
you are not your sexuallity
but i still don't love you as much as i should

different moulds

you look good on paper
and yo seen like a nice guy
we like the same things

you have it all
and you want me
we even get along

yo are different
and in a good way
we complement each other

you are very open
and you are honest
we have shared a lot

you could be good for me
and you could break my heart
we could break each others

you are...
and...
we...

but we are not the same

So unsure

so confused
so unsure
so confused from being unsure
so unsure from being confused

so mixed up
so unsure
so mixed up from being unsure
so unsure from being mixed up

so undetermined
so unsure
so undetermined from being unsure
so unsure from being undetermined

so right
so wrong
so fucked up
so why?
i need to take a step

random thought

your hair so smooth and shiny
your face so perfect and symetrical
your hands so soft and clean
how dare you look like that

Centerlink

I stand and wait
Legs aching
Bare footed people walk in and out
Am I just like them?
It smells in here
I can’t put my finger on the smell
A lady is to excited to be here
What is wrong with her?
I hate it here
But I must come
The smell might be the person behind me
Him or poverty
I hate to be here
It gives me the creeps
It leaves me feeling frustrated
I hand over a piece of paper
Say some words to a cranky uninterested lady
It will be great to leave
I’ll be back again
But not if things go well for me
I hate it here

Are you lost?

You were just here
Have you left?
Then I lost you
Have I lost you forever?
I saw you not long ago
Will I see you again?
I wanted to speak to you
Where did you go?
I don’t know where you have gone
How can I find you?
You didn’t leave anything
Why did you leave?
I must have missed you
Was it I?
Next time I don’t want you to leave
Will you be back?
I will stay with you
Will you stay for me?
Don’t leave me
Will you stay with me?
You are lost

Small things

I’m staring at a pole
It can’t be that interesting
But still I stare
It is blue and has a ruff surface
I wonder how long I can stare at with out being bored
It is round
It is holding up the roof
Or is it holding up the floor
If it weren’t for that pole the roof would cave in
Wouldn’t that be funny?
There is another pole
So if I get bored I can stare at the other one
I’m not thinking I’m just staring
Look how the light and shadows affect it
Oh it has a black ring on it
I didn't see that
i wonder how long i can stare at that

random thought

It keeps on going
Never ending
I wish it would stop
Ceaseless
It just goes on an on
STOP!

My monkey (Trinkets)

My monkey won’t leave me alone
He claws the flesh of my mind
He climbs and swings
Shouting obscenities as he goes
He vandalizes my soul
He defecates in my heart
Tearing me apart
He bites my self-esteem
He should go back where he belongs
Back to the quiet jungle
He rages over the city
He causes havoc
Making me chase him and lock him away

random thought

State of bliss that is so fragile
Peace of mind that is so fake