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Sunday, March 27, 2005

not so open minded after all

you all dance around
the questions you don't want to hear answers to
you want to know but at the same time you don't
you don't understand me
not anymore
you don't understand the way i feel
you may never understand
because you don't want to know
you must know for this is me
and if you want to be my friend you will have to know
you think i have changed
but it is your veiw of me that has changed
you wanted me to do this
for your reasons
you no longer want this
now the dye is cast
you no longer want to understand
you wnat me to go back
be "normal"
this is normal you just have to change your perspective

mixed reaction to you

i shouldn't be doing this
im already not functioning
but i can't resist you
i need to sleep
i need to be refreshed for tomorrow
but i seem to need you more
i need to touch you
i want to sleep near you
but i want to sleep
i hate you so much
i love you so much
but what type of love is this
it is more like an addiction

Saturday, March 26, 2005

you have a way of dancing around
around what you really want to say
say to me what you want me to hear
hearing you use big words in attemts to confuse me
me the young one with no idea
ideas i understand more than you
you can even make a decition with out my input
imput i don't want to make all the time
time to say you are pissing me off
off i must go
go or stay

i don't know

but sometimes i like you to much to go
but not enough to stay

i'm in 2 worlds over you

Your body isn't what i desire
but your mind is
your face is not what i am attracted to
but your sence of self is
your apperance is not what i'm into
but your sence of humour is
your persona is not what i look for
but you as a person is
your sexuallity is not what i want
but your sex is
you are not a body
you are not a face
you are not your apperence
you are not your persona
you are not your sexuallity
but i still don't love you as much as i should

Sunday, February 13, 2005

different moulds

you look good on paper
and yo seen like a nice guy
we like the same things

you have it all
and you want me
we even get along

yo are different
and in a good way
we complement each other

you are very open
and you are honest
we have shared a lot

you could be good for me
and you could break my heart
we could break each others

you are...
and...
we...

but we are not the same

So unsure

so confused
so unsure
so confused from being unsure
so unsure from being confused

so mixed up
so unsure
so mixed up from being unsure
so unsure from being mixed up

so undetermined
so unsure
so undetermined from being unsure
so unsure from being undetermined

so right
so wrong
so fucked up
so why?
i need to take a step

Saturday, February 05, 2005

random thought

your hair so smooth and shiny
your face so perfect and symetrical
your hands so soft and clean
how dare you look like that

Centerlink

I stand and wait
Legs aching
Bare footed people walk in and out
Am I just like them?
It smells in here
I can’t put my finger on the smell
A lady is to excited to be here
What is wrong with her?
I hate it here
But I must come
The smell might be the person behind me
Him or poverty
I hate to be here
It gives me the creeps
It leaves me feeling frustrated
I hand over a piece of paper
Say some words to a cranky uninterested lady
It will be great to leave
I’ll be back again
But not if things go well for me
I hate it here

Are you lost?

You were just here
Have you left?
Then I lost you
Have I lost you forever?
I saw you not long ago
Will I see you again?
I wanted to speak to you
Where did you go?
I don’t know where you have gone
How can I find you?
You didn’t leave anything
Why did you leave?
I must have missed you
Was it I?
Next time I don’t want you to leave
Will you be back?
I will stay with you
Will you stay for me?
Don’t leave me
Will you stay with me?
You are lost

Small things

I’m staring at a pole
It can’t be that interesting
But still I stare
It is blue and has a ruff surface
I wonder how long I can stare at with out being bored
It is round
It is holding up the roof
Or is it holding up the floor
If it weren’t for that pole the roof would cave in
Wouldn’t that be funny?
There is another pole
So if I get bored I can stare at the other one
I’m not thinking I’m just staring
Look how the light and shadows affect it
Oh it has a black ring on it
I didn't see that
i wonder how long i can stare at that

random thought

It keeps on going
Never ending
I wish it would stop
Ceaseless
It just goes on an on
STOP!

My monkey (Trinkets)

My monkey won’t leave me alone
He claws the flesh of my mind
He climbs and swings
Shouting obscenities as he goes
He vandalizes my soul
He defecates in my heart
Tearing me apart
He bites my self-esteem
He should go back where he belongs
Back to the quiet jungle
He rages over the city
He causes havoc
Making me chase him and lock him away

random thought

State of bliss that is so fragile
Peace of mind that is so fake

Torn

Which way do I go?
Which way is right?
There are two roads
Both ways are what I want
One is paved in gold
Lined with flowers
Looks fantastic but unsure
One is dirt road
Lined with sinister trees
Looks scary but interesting
They both end on the horizon
Unsure where they end up
Interested where they go
Where do they lead?
Which one has a happy ending?
I will never know
No one has a map
I’m dying standing at the crossroads
There is one other road that is well paved
Lined with green pastures
Looks easy
But I know where that ends
I don’t want to go there

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Beautiful woman on the bus

Your eyes so distant
You mind so far away
You stare out the window
Longingly
Do you have love?
You dress to impress
But do you have anyone to impress?
You stroke your beautiful hair
And stare
I should talk to you
You look interesting
But why
I don’t know you
You look lost and confused
You should not be this way
Your eyes do dreamy, aloof and far away
You are a face in the crowd
But you are stunning
Emasculate
You should be painted
Your lips are perfection
You have left
I wonder what your life has in store

Half life

It’s strange the way I feel
Not dead but not alive
So dead inside
But so full of life
Death is so close but to alive to die
Full of power I never knew I had
Power from a source I don’t understand or comprehend
I always thought I could stop
But I can’t

Crap

Do I need to feel like this to do this
I don’t always feel like this
But when I do I write
I hate to feel like this
But I love to feel free
I feel free when I do this
I feel like a free man
I still feel like crap but free
Wondering when it will stop
But not wanting it to

Maybe

You were my friend once
I hope you can be once more
But after what we have been through
You were my comrade before
I hope we can be once more
But we have both changed
You were my companion then
I hope you can now
But we have drifted apart
You were my buddy in the past
I hope you can be in the future
But we are different people
You were there for me
I hope you can still be there
But you live so far away
You understood me some how
I hope you still can
But I’m not the same
I miss you

Casual

You won’t know me
You won’t know my heart
You won’t know my mind
You won’t know my soul
You won’t know my spirit
You won’t even know my name
But I will share a part of me with you
that no-one else will know

I want you

To touch you would be bliss
I want to touch you
To be near you would be a dream
I want to be near you
To kiss you would be ecstasy
I want to kiss you
To be yours would be heaven
I want to be yours
To love you would be nirvana
I want to love you
To have you here would be enough
I want to meet you

You are all the same

Unfeeling
If you could feel what I feel
You would feel for me
Uncaring
If you could care like me
You would care
Uninterested
If you could have any interest at all like me
I would interest you
Unknowing
If you could know what I want you to know
You would want to know me
Unloving
If you could love you the way I love you
You would want to love me
Unfeeling
If you could feel what I feel
You would feel for me
Unemotional
If I could show emotion like I want to
I could feel emotions
Maybe you feel that?
Are we all the same?

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

To feel

Anger
Red
Is a feeling that make you want to
Scream or hurt something
Happiness
Yellow
Is a feeling that makes you want to
Smile or jump in the air
Sadness
Blue
Is a feeling that make you want to
Cry or hide away
Clam
Green
Is a feeling that makes you wan to
Relax or go to sleep
Confused
Brown
Is a feeling that make you want to
Know or stop thinking
Love
Pink
Is a feeling that make you want to
Scream, smile, cry, relax and know
I don’t feel angry anymore
I don’t feel happy anymore
I don’t feel sad anymore
I don’t feel calm anymore
I don’t feel confusion anymore
I don’t feel love anymore
I feel purple

I try

I tried to make myself perfect for you
But you must think that I am to perfect to have
I’m not perfect
You think I have no issues
And you don’t want to put yours on me
I want your issues
I feel like you need me
But you are to wrapped up in yourself
I need you
I have given you a lot of my time
And you have none for me
All I have is time
I try not to let myself get hurt
But you seem to hurt me
I don’t want to hurt
I hurt for you

Monday, January 24, 2005

You are not helping things

You say I’m cute
But it doesn’t make me feel beautiful
You still don’t like me
You say I’m a nice guy
But that doesn’t make me feel better
You still don’t like me
You say I’m adorable
But I don’t feel adored
You still don’t like me
You say I have a great personality
But I don’t feel anymore personable
You still don’t like me
You say I’m not like other guys
But I feel so generic
You still don’t like me
You say I’m gentle
But I feel like smashing your head in
You still don’t like me
You say you don’t want to break my heart
But it is too late because
You still don’t like me
You annoy me with your complements

Sunday, January 23, 2005

i think too much

My head hurts from you
All these thoughts going round and round
Like a never-ending roller coaster
Up and down and all around
Getting so fast that I feel like I might fall off the rails
Around in a cycle
It ends it begins


My body hurts from you
All my limbs sore and fragile
Like I been through the spin dryer
Battered and beaten and bruised
Not knowing if it will end but never wanting it to
Around in a cycle
It ends it begins


My heart hurts from you
It beats so hard and fast
Like a jackhammer in my chest
Banging and pounding and pumping
Will it pump so hard that it will explode?
Around in a cycle
It ends it begins


I think too much but I hope it never stops.

Stronger

You knock me down But I get up again
You think you have won But I come back stronger
You want to break me But I won’t break
You want my life But it is mine
You think I have given in But keep coming back

Stronger than before
Stronger than you expected
Stronger than you had hoped
Stronger than I could have hoped

You want to be the victor But I won’t let you win
You think that I am an ant But I am a tank
You think you have me figured But I am still a mystery
You want me to lose But I am no loser
You try to deceive me But I am no fool

I want to win
I want to be strong
I want to strive
I want to conquer
You are my fear and by playing I have already won
You have no hope
Why won’t you go away?
Why won’t you just go?

I won’t

You are small and squishy
You are round and smelly
You are fuzzy and purple
You are warm and light
You are fragile and free
You are my spirit and they can crush you like a bug
Don’t let them

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Why?

I saw a man
I want that man
I need that man
Why can’t I have to that man?

I saw a life
I want that life
I need that life
Why can’t I have that life?

I saw a body
I want that body
I need that body
Why can’t I have that body?

I saw a love
I want that love
I need that love
Why can’t I have that love

Life can be so fucked

We all don’t get what we want
We all don’t get what we need
And we never get what we deserve

Why?

Unloved or incapable

I don’t want you as much as I think I do
You will change my life and I don’t know how
Do I want you to change my life
As much as I think you will
As much as I want you to
Do I need to change my life
Before I meet you
But I already love you
And you are incapable of that love
The love I already feel for you
Will you ever be capable?
I wrote this before I meet you
And this is how I feel
I have so much love to give
Do you have any?
Or have you used it all up on someone else
Not knowing that I would come along
And love you so much
That you would feel inadequate to be with me
When I feel this way not even knowing you
Do you need to be the same?
But you can’t know
That I feel this way
But I want you to know
That I fell this way
But you can’t and I feel unloved
Oh my god why?
I need to sleep

I want you

I want you my one and only
Why must I be this lonely
In the mean time I want you
In the mean time I need you
Why can’t you be mine now

You are far but yet so near
But why can’t you me here
In the mean time I want you
In the mean time I need you
Why can’t you be mine now

You are so loving but not to me
When I’m with you I feel so free
In the mean time I want you
In the mean time I need you
Why can’t you be mine now

Never ending cycle

To feel is to love
To love is to be happy
To be happy is to enjoy
To enjoy is to live
To live is to go on
To go on is to survive
To survive is to strive
To strive is to fight
To fight is to defeat the odds
To defeat the odds is to prevail
To prevail is to conquer
To conquer is to win
To win is to celebrate
To celebrate is to feel
And I’m back at the start

Need

All we need is love
Love is all we need
Is love all we need?
Need is all we love
Need is all I have

So alone

So cold
So alone
So cold from being alone
So alone from being cold


So detached
So alone
So detached from being alone
So alone from being detached


So loveless
So alone
So loveless from being alone
So alone from being loveless


So unattached
So sick
So very alone
So, why?

Slut

Legs held high in honor of woman hood
But all is stripped away and revealed
Poking
Prodding
Pushing
Pain
Head bowed in shame of what I have done
But proud I have lived.

(This is not about me for i am a man and when i wrote this i was a virgin. don't really know where i came from but i wrote it. A friend of mine said it might be a past life thing. *Tim shrugs*)

In the gray

Life is all so strange. Easy to end.
Cheating doesn’t help. Easy to lose.
But it gets you further. Hard to take.
Everything is gray. Hard to handle.
Changing all the time. Hard to hold.
Always growing bigger. Easy to miss.
Gray gives way to white.
White gives way to black.
Black gives way to gray.
Gray breaks through again.
Always gray.
Never changing.
Always gray.

Needs and wants

Need to breathe
Need to live
Need to die
Need to love
Need to feel
Need to want
Want to breathe
Want to live
Want to die
Want to love
Want to feel
Want to need
Why must it all be so hard?

The dream that never stops

Time stops and I awaken
Sweating
Filled with fear
Was it a dream?

I am alone
Vividly remember a dagger
Dangling over my head
Did it drop?

I move from the bed
Splash my face with water
Hunger strikes me
Is there any food?

Feel strange
Someone’s watching
No where to hide
Was that the wind?

I feel hidden
Move to the bed
And lie down
Am I asleep?

The answer is no

To feel

I don’t know what to feel
Feel like I need to peel
Peel away what’s not real
Real love is not what I feel

I don’t want to be poor
Poor and somewhat sore
Sore from being so unsure
Unsure if you to feel poor

I want to feel love like never before
Before I go to that foreign shore
Shore far from here and more
More than I have traveled before

I need someone to love

This is me (sometimes)

This is some of my poetry. I know i'm not very good but sometimes i feel the need to write so i do. Tell me if you like them or you think there crap i like to hear what people think (even if it bad). I have a lot of stuff about needs and wants. I like these words and i base my life on needs and wants.

Hey